To the one who holds my heart

I don't normally write for people, but this would be the superlative exception.

My voice, my comforter, strength and shield. My security blanket, electrician, tutor and the training wheels on my bike. My shoulder to cry on. My superhero. My Papa.

I have a lot of things to apologize for. I'm sorry for being such a messed up, spoiled brat. I'm sorry for not spending time with you when I still had the chance. I'm sorry for hating you because you didn't allow me to have things my way. I'm sorry for stealing coins in your pocket. But hey, you still loved me anyway. You looked at me as if I were your masterpiece, the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. I'm proud to be your "carbon copy", but I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to prove that to you. I will always be your "Junior", the Libby to your Rato.

You are the crowd that sits quiet, listening to me and all the mad sense that I make.

Thank you for the 16 short years you shared with me. The years when I felt like a princess, because you let me dream big dreams and let me be who I wanted to be. Thank you for always being proud of me when I failed, and for making me feel beautiful when I couldn't even look at the mirror. Thank you for the times when you made me feel safe when thunder was scaring the soul out of me, and for just being there when I need you.

I always do things at my best for you Pa, because I know that when I'm in the highest moments of my life, I look back and see that proud, goofy grin painted on your lips telling me to just go on with what I'm doing, and assuring me that you'll be there in the end to still accept me when everyone else has left. It's funny how silent of a man you are, but the hubbub your actions make scream out every "I love you" your heart could contain.

You are one of the few things worth remembering..

Even in another lifetime, I'd still choose you as my Papa. No one could ever replace you in my heart, I promise you that Pa. I know this is quite a cliché already, but from the deepest recesses of my heart, I gallantly say that you are the best Papa a girl could ever ask for, I have no other way to put it. I will always love you Papa, and I miss you, DEARLY.

How could anyone mean more to me, than you?

"You"

- The Carpenters

Happy Father's Day Liberato O. Peña :)

3/19/11

Dear Papa,

How are you? I've been remembering you a lot the past couple of days. I hope you're doing fine, because I am. I have really good friends, and they always keep me company especially when I start missing you. So you shouldn't worry, because I'm in good hands.

I wonder what it's like to be where you are now. Last night I went with my friends to this place where everything looked very familiar - almost surreal. The scent of the flowers reminded me so much of you Pa. I don't know why but I felt heavy. I felt the same grief, as if I was reentering the funeral home for your wake again. I know it's going to be 3 years Pa, but it still doesn't change the fact that I long for a father to talk to, and cry to. A father who would tell me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, when I know for a fact I'm not. A father who would embrace me and still accept me when I failed. I know I could not find any other man who would love me like you do Pa.

Remember the night when it rained so hard, and we didn't have an umbrella? You used your handkerchief to cover my head while we walked through the parking lot to the car. I looked up and I saw your hand over my head, shielding me from the pelt. But you didn't have anything; you didn't have anyone to cover your head for you. You were soaking wet when we reached the car. I cried that night Pa, because I pitied you. I was moved by how much you could sacrifice yourself, and your health just to keep me safe. You could have caught a cold for what you just did. But amazingly the next day, you were as healthy as can be. I don't know how you do that. I always thought you were Superman. I looked at you as the man who never grew tired of working, and especially loving us.

But what happened Pa? What happened 3 years ago on that early September morning? Seeing you being resuscitated to life by those doctors made me realize you were no Superman after all. That's when I knew every superhero - no matter how strong and invulnerable they seem - would somehow have their fall. I thought you were strong. I just want to tell you I forgive you Pa for leaving us so soon; for being weak when I needed you to be firmest. I still wake up in the middle of the night telling myself that this was all just a bad dream. But no matter how much I pinched myself would only remind me so much of how reality hurts.

Don't worry about us Pa. Darling is doing well in school, and Mama is as beautiful as ever. As for me, I found God here in Cebu. But I think it's more proper to say that He found me. Papa, I am just amazed at how God has worked in my life. He's even given me the most awesome friends in the world! And I have learned the way through college life without having to look at other's papers. Most of all, I have learned that as life is beautiful, so it is also short and uncertain. But I know I shouldn't be scared of death, for God promised it will be eternal bliss to His people. I know I'll get by all this, and I know someday we will meet again, and get caught up in those white fluffy clouds of Heaven. I'm sure you will be stoked to see me, now that I'm all grown up, and as tall as you already!

Looking forward to seeing you Papa!

with love and butterfly kisses from your Junior,

André

day 3

So today's the third day of finals week. Ugh, it's been such a heavy couple of days. I've been forced to "sunog my kilay". Haha. I've surpassed Ethics and Economics -the hardest exams I took- and now I'm down to the easier tests to take. And with "easy" I would mean no sweat. I HOPE. Well, set that thought aside. I'm mostly excited that summer's just 'round the corner, and I'll be going home in less than a week. Those thoughts keep my spirits up!

I can't wait to bask in summer heat! It's time to ready yer inner beach bums! See you at the nearest beach! :)

written 1/10/11

From Summer to Winter,

and Summer Again

Empty, full; left, right

tall, short; black, white.

Right, wrong; odds and ends

opposites, rhymes; straight, bent.

You're there, but I'm here.

Our eyes own an assembly,

and they know each other.

We don't.

But still I wait, even if

my fingers itch to be buried in yours,

and your heart jumps to lie next to mine.

When our lips will touch,

and the time is right,

we will know

you are for me,

and I for you.

3/9/2011

I'm Glad I Live in this Fallible World

Because...

in a perfect world, i would be the smartest kid in school

in a perfect world, jeepney rides would be smooth

in a perfect world, i penned the best poems

in a perfect world, money would not be a problem

in a perfect world, test papers didn't exist

in a perfect world, eating and sleeping wouldn't be necessary

in a perfect world, i wouldn't have scars embossed on my skin

in a perfect world, i would still have my father and brother

in a perfect world, i could count on my own strength

in a perfect world, i wouldn't need Jesus.

1.1.11

Welp, here goes another 365 days for me.

Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

This year is gonna be BIG for me i know it, i just know it. I may not be sure of what tomorrow may hold, but my hopes are up because i have One, true, eternal Father who doesn’t put His promises on halt. I pray that this new year, it will be all about Him and less about me. His faithfulness in my life is, was, and will be enough for me to go through another 12 months. And His word will be my strength and my light especially when my path gets dark.

Happy New Year everyone!

12/14/10

I dance with my shadows in the dark

Seems that my shadow has found

a faithful friend with the dark.

It comes out to play,

appearing to have a mind of its own.

Until I realize it stops when I do,

we are connected after all.

Though I conceal it at daylight,

It lashes itself out,

Following me wherever, whatever

Even at midday.

But when the sky finally gives up,

And the sinister that is the night cowers,

The phantom is alive than ever.

Trip the light fantastic toe,

Finding a rhythm of its own,

Composing its own tune.

In the morning I am normal,

At least that is what I think.

But I unknowingly anticipate its coming.

Soon I will be swept over by my sorrows again.

Till then, I wait once more,

For when Nyx will spread her wings,

I will dance with my shadows in the dark.